Author: Brandon Ribak

Eliminating the Impact of Insults from your Mind

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We all experience it (with some being able to acknowledge it), yet it’s something extremely difficult to control.

A family member, friend or a loved one says or does an action that instantly puts you in a bad mood.

Whether you’re immediately filled with anger or are frustrated and annoyed, the fact of the matter is that it has completely affected your present state of being.

Who’s to blame for this sense of outrage that you feel pumping deep within every vein?

The person to point the finger at is yourself.

Each and every one of us has the ability to control our emotions. It’s entirely up to you to do so.

Think about this for a second.

You’re walking into a friends house and as soon as you enter through the front door, their dog begins to bark at you aggressively.

You smile and say Hi to the dog, maybe even give it a pet or two.

But why? This dog is clearly barking at you for a reason, one being that it doesn’t seem to like you at this very moment. Yet your mood is perfectly sound.

Subconsciously you’ve already made the decision that it’s just a dog and that getting upset or feeling insulted by it’s actions would be silly.

Those accepted and prompt reactions and rationalizations can be harnessed, controlled and applied towards people, as well as any predicament that you may find yourself in.

F THE BS: It’s time to eliminate these emotional triggers from the equation (you can thank the book A Guide to the Good Life for these tips!)

The next time you find yourself in a situation where someone has just made a statement that potentially insults you, pause for a moment before reacting or responding.

Think to yourself…

Is what was just said true? If so, then there’s not much to be upset or insulted about.

Next ask yourself – how informed is the insulter on this specific topic? Could it be that this is simply the way they view and sincerely see things?

If you’re having a difficult time determining the honest answers to the two questions above, ask yourself –  Do I respect and value this person’s opinion? If you do, then you shouldn’t take what was said the wrong way.

The moral of the lesson here is that YOU are the source of any sting or burn that is felt from the insult. If you can take the few seconds to ask yourself the questions above, more likely than not you’ll come to discover that there’s nothing to get offended about.

Even more so, if the persons remarks were insulting and you feel strongly that they aren’t true then why allow this unreliable person to negatively affect your character? If anything, you should feel sorry for them.

There’s nothing stopping you from taking a different approach and rewiring your thoughts and triggers into subconsciously accepting that a person’s insults carry no harm to you, especially those that aren’t true to begin with!

Just think about the non-insulting barking dog 🙂

We only have so much time to live our lives. Take control of your internal intelligence and apply it’s capabilities to these external situations. This way you ensure that the ball is always in your court when it comes to your emotions and how you feel at any given moment, regardless of the circumstances.

“Who then is invincible? The one who cannot be upset by anything outside their reasoned choice.” Epictetus:

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How Reading Books Can Open New Doors

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If you had told me while in middle school or high school (even in college) that I’d be reading 2-3 books a month consistently for years after graduating and pursuing a career, I’d definitely laugh in your face.

We grow up in a schooling system that requires us to read certain books throughout the course of our educational advancements, but did any of us really do it because we enjoyed it?

Obviously when you are forced to do something it’s much less fun than when you openly choose to do it.

For some, throughout life it seems as though they irrationally view reading a book as something they were once forced to do and now choose not to do simply because of those past experiences and emotional triggers that arise from thinking about them.

According to a study by Pew Research that was published in May of 2018, 24% of American adults say that they haven’t read a book in whole or in part over the trailing 12 months.

Per the Washington Post, in 2017 the average American spent 10x more time watching TV (roughly 3 hours per day) than they spent reading.

And people wonder why they are overweight, unmotivated and barely making ends meet financially.

You have the ability and certainly the time to change all of that, through the secret power that books hold within them. 

F the BS: Let’s dive into the influence of reading books and why you need to start now

Self-help books have been a HUGE part of my life over the last few years. I honestly cannot imagine what path my journey would’ve taken without the guidance and tremendous wealth of knowledge that reading has instilled and provided me with. It’s opened a door in my mind that I never knew existed, granting me the unique opportunity to educate, appreciate and elevate my life to get the most that I possibly can out of it.

Think about it like this.

We always seem to lean towards our elders for the true secrets in life. We ask our grandparents what’s the secret to a long term marriage, to success, to happiness, etc.

Yet, are you fully aware that there are thousands of successful authors out there that combined have gone through infinite experiences throughout their lives? That these people have acquired invaluable insights and wisdom during various stages of growth and have generously chosen to spend YEARS of their life putting them on paper so that YOU can read, learn, implement, share and grow from them?

If you are within the 24% of American adults who haven’t read a book over the last 12 months yet alone part of a book, then SHAME ON YOU.

You’re jipping YOURSELF.

Step up your game. Become wiser. Take immediate action. Start reading.

Deep down don’t you want to flourish and prosper throughout your life? Don’t you want to squeeze everything that you possibly can out of the short period of time that we all have on this planet?

A few tips…

I choose to read two different books at the same time. One nonfiction self-help book during the day time, and a fiction book right before bed time.

Fiction before sleep

If you have a hard time relaxing your mind and dozing off into a delicious slumber at night, I highly recommend reading a fiction book prior to hitting the sack (even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes at first). You can thank Tim Ferris for this tip!

Fiction books take your focus off of the thousands of thoughts that fill your brain and puts all your attention into the novel that you’re reading. As you read, slowly but surely you’ll start to get sleepy and before you know it, you’ll be passed out without a single worry in mind.

Taking notes while reading self-help books

While reading self-help books, it’s incredibly important to write down notes as you go. (If you have a kindle, you can also highlight specific sentences and paragraphs at will. Another game changer is the convenience of highlighting a specific word and instantly seeing its definition. This has expanded my vocabulary immensely!)

The impact of writing notes is indescribable. Since the entire objective is to actually retain and implement the information that you’re reading, not only does it help you in remembering key points from each book, it also allows you to revisit the strategies as needed. This helps with holding yourself accountable and ensuring you execute the teachings.

Even more so, through this pattern of repetition the concepts slowly begin to creep into your subconscious where they get fully taken advantage of and utilized to maximum capacity.

“If we encounter a man of rare intellect, we should ask him what books he reads.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Stop Scrolling, Start Living

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The common person in this day and age doesn’t think anymore, they scroll.

On average, we spend roughly 3.5 hours per day on our phones. Considering the fact that there’s a large percentage of people who spend significantly more time than that on a daily basis, it’s safe to say that these mobile devices have literally taken over our lives.

Assuming that the majority of time is spent scrolling through social media feeds, our brains are being filled with useless information that typically impacts us in a negative way.

The more time you spend looking at other people’s lives through social media, the more feelings of envy, hatred, jealousy and other shitty emotions of the sort begin to creep into your conscience (even though most of the time those same people you wish you could be more like secretly feel the same feelings that you do, if not worse).

The complete opposite should be the ultimate goal, which is to induce more positive and happy thoughts and energy into your life.

Many use social media as a front to portray a life that they don’t really live, so that they can get likes and shares from people that they don’t really know and feed an ego that is based upon completely false pretenses.

How do you ever expect to find happiness when you’re constantly consciously (and subconsciously) critiquing and criticizing others, while simultaneously trying to be like them?

When you perform these little acts each and every day, they begin to add up to such an amount that you become completely disconnected from the present and totally unhappy and ungrateful for your own life.

F THE BS

It’s time to STOP seeking affirmation from others and from trying to change who you are into an abstract version of what you believe another person thinks you should be.

What you’re doing is assuming that these other people are the end all be all, and that they know the ideal prototype of how someone should look, feel and act in life.

It’s safe to say that social media has really messed up a lot of people, but there’s ways to dig yourself out of the hole.

You must learn to limit your daily dosage of phone/social media usage (I highly recommend using the Screen Time feature on the iPhone to hold yourself accountable) and reconnect with the present moment more (and work on not grabbing your phone, turning on the TV, or going on the computer or any other digital device during these short sessions).

When you work on this and just sit with your thoughts and overcome the feelings of anxiousness, fear, and any other strong and powerful emotions that arise, you can then begin to truly recognize that judging others doesn’t bring any positive benefit to your existence.

That when you slowly stop focusing on others and start looking within, you can build a great sense of connection to reality and the present moment and come to realize that you can be happy just as you are, completely with yourself.

“Happiness comes from within. It is not dependent on external things or on other people. You become vulnerable and can be easily hurt when your feelings of security and happiness depend on the behavior and actions of other people. Never give your power to anyone else.” – Brian Weiss

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Finding the Proper Frequency to Take Advantage of Life’s Opportunities

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It saddens me when people pile on the excuses about why they aren’t happy, why they don’t have enough money or the reasons they don’t have a better paying job. You know those kind of people who constantly say things like “rich people are lucky”, “they have it easy because they have money” and “if I could just come up with one good idea, I’d be all set in life”.

When I hear these statements it leads me to believe that these people don’t realize that they have complete power to change their circumstances to gain what they want most out of life.

One of the primary reasons (and what this post will focus on) that they’ve yet to achieve what they desire is due to simply not being on the right wavelength to pick up the opportunities that present themselves on a daily basis.

We’ve gone into discussions about slowing down, reflecting, and meditation. All of these tools can help you achieve more of the superhuman ability called awareness.

When you use the positive forces that awareness can offer you, you begin to elevate to a higher frequency level that allows you to pick up new signals. 

And since according to Albert Einstein everything in life is essentially vibration, on this new frequency opportunities begin to surround you.

Think about the last time you discovered something new (a brand, a specific product, even a word or saying). How is it that as soon as this new seed is placed inside the presence of your mind, it magically starts appearing everywhere you go? In TV commercials, on the radio, in a book, magazine or blog post you read, even throughout conversations with others.

Ironic? I think not.

The reason you begin to notice this new seed throughout your day to day is because you’ve tuned your awareness to a frequency level that enables you to recognize and catch it when it’s being thrown at you.

Ideas are always presenting themselves, it’s just a matter of your eyes and ears being open to seeing and hearing them. 

Imagine the potential for new ideas and opportunities that you’d be able to grasp and leverage to further advance yourself in life through this heightened state of being.

How would this improve and uplift your professional career, your personal relationships with family, friends, or your significant other?

Think about all the times throughout your life that you’ve missed out due to lack of better awareness.

From something of potentially life changing importance such as the spark of a new business idea through a simple conversation with a coworker, to something as subtle (yet just as important) as a facial expression, gesture or hint made by a loved one at what they’d possibly want for their upcoming birthday or your approaching anniversary.

Whether it’s because you’re too busy scrolling on social media on your phone (which would be the equivalent of having your head straight up up your own ass), or the fact that you just weren’t aware of the idea of being more aware, there is SO MUCH you can discover and take advantage of by making a conscious effort to improve your awareness.

There’s never going to be a better day or time to start. Take control of your insanely amazing and unique (and typically under-appreciated) human abilities and slowly observe as your new wavelength begins to attract favorable opportunities that can be used to enable you to maximize all facets of life.

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” – Nikola Tesla

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What Children can teach us about not giving a Fuck

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Children are interesting. They’re born and then before you know it, they’re already walking and talking.

Once the talking stage begins, their imagination truly comes out which allows them to create stories and use their facial expressions to show just how much they believe in the fairy tales that they narrate.

If you ask them a personal question knowing that the answer could potentially hurt your feelings, they’ll quickly give you an honest and direct response without batting an eye.

Take my niece for example. When she was around 6 or 7 I asked her to look at my teeth and tell me whether or not they were yellow. Without hesitation she said that they were.

I then asked her which specific ones were yellow, and she proceeded to go one by one and point out which teeth in my mouth were yellow.

How’s that for being completely blunt!

We can learn a lot from children, especially when it comes to how little they give a fuck about (or can even understand at certain ages) the repercussions of potentially sensitive subjects.

F the BS: It’s time to learn to not give a fuck

The next time you catch yourself contemplating on how to approach a delicate situation personally, or you find that you feel like you’re walking on eggshells during a sticky scenario at work, pause for a second and think about the potential outcome if you were to say fuck it and tell whoever you’re speaking to how it really is and should be.

If the worst case scenario isn’t too bad, try to be a complete straight-shooter with zero fucks given and see what happens.

Sometimes to succeed and get by in life you have to stand up, be pushy and aggressive and fight hard for what you truly believe deep down is right. Not only can this result in getting what you want out of the situation, but even more so it can attract and accumulate respect.

People who learn to live life as an ethical asshole (one who approaches situations very pragmatically and sternly to ensure they get their way, even if there’s potential to hurt one’s feelings) typically excel and get further ahead in certain aspects of life because they know what they want and they go after it and take it, saying F it to repercussions that don’t necessarily have significant impact.

To wrap it up…

If you really want something in life, and I mean REALLY want it, sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, confront the BS head on (whether it’s internally or externally) and take what’s rightfully yours.

In some cases, NOT doing so can have a major negative impact and trajectory on your life.

Don’t let that happen to yourself, be a dick if you must!

“Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy.” – Mark Manson

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Winning the Lottery of Life: Do you realize just how lucky you are to be alive?

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Did you know that the odds of you being born as yourself are more than 1 in 400 trillion?

Without breaking down the numbers, it’s apparent that those odds are straight up impossible.

Yet, you exist.

It’s easy to go through life without taking this into consideration, but think about these facts for a second.

Many many decades ago your great grandparents as well as their great grandparents and so on, magically came together to produce their children. Eventually down the line, this resulted in two people from different family trees, who out of all the other people in the world that could meet each other, came together to become your parents and produce you.

How crazy and bizarre is that? Had one minor thought, action, twist or accident happened that resulted in a different turn of direction, you wouldn’t be who you are today.

While we all go through ups and downs throughout our lives, at the very core of our existence it’s vital for us to understand that we have truly won the lottery of life.

Because we have done so, it’s essential to remember that when the going gets tough…when life is seemingly not going our way…when the odds are stacked against us and it feels as though there’s no possible resolution…that we have the most precious gift called life.

Also, for however the amount of comfort this may bring, or for a more clearer sense of reality on your situation, don’t forget that whatever it is that you may be going through, there’s always someone who is 10 times more worse off.

We don’t get to decide our circumstances early on, but it’s in our power to take massive action to change them for the better as we grow up.

It’s easier said than done, but if you can learn to instill in your mind that you are truly one of a kind, and that you are absolutely a miracle in every sense of the word, you can get through any and every obstacle that life throws at you with strength, confidence and dignity.

“Make sure you live your life like you won the biggest lottery ever, because you already did!” – ME

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The Power of Saying NO

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From the day to day hustle and bustle of work, to dealing with your children (and/or family members and close friends in general), to paying bills, to hearing all of the negative stories on the news, life can be STRESSFUL.

In fact, roughly 40 million American adults (about 18% of the entire population) have some kind of an anxiety disorder, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America.

Yet, as if our stress and anxiety levels aren’t high enough, people find ways to increase them even more by being a “Yes person”.

We all know this type of person too well (and in some cases, it may even be you!).

They overcommit and stretch themselves too thin. They lose sleep, get sick and can never find the time to focus on and take care of themselves, all because they instantly react rather than take the time to pause and think first.

F the BS: It’s time to stop saying YES and tap into the benefits of saying NO

In order to switch from a yes person to a no person, you must first understand the psychology behind that of a yes-man (or woman).

Most yes people have a mindset that seeks external validation. The majority of their confidence and self-esteem are directly correlated and tied to what others think.

Simply put, they care way too much about what people think about them and subconsciously base their decisions and reactions off of the ideas of what someone else may think.

To an extent they say Yes as a way to gain approval, as well as a method to purposely avoid confrontation and the feelings of negativity.

By craving approval from the outside and letting these unconscious concepts dictate their lives, they sadly miss the mark of where they should really be looking for any and every form of validation, which is on the inside.

Through the power of reflection (diving deep into past experiences, decisions and reactions) as well as leveraging the remarkable abilities of the mind (neuroplasticity), one can discover and pinpoint specific situations where external validation is sought out, take a mental note of it and work on improving and rewiring the brain into realizing that the only affirmation needed is from within.

With this revelation unearthed, you can direct your attention to the benefits of saying No.

Through discipline this tool can change your life.

Saying No allows you to take control. To be able to prioritize and focus on what’s most important for you and your own well-being. (This isn’t being selfish, this is something that is necessary).

Obvious Disclaimer: Outside of those simply trying to suck away your time and energy, when it comes to family and close friends that genuinely need your help, this should always be a priority and something that you say Yes to. 

The next time someone asks you for something, pause before responding. Tell them that you need to ponder it over or that you must give it deeper thought. After careful consideration, if you ultimately decide that it doesn’t align with your goals, say NO.

Whether you believe it or not, you’ll actually gain more respect by consciously choosing the route of saying No.

In life you must turn down good opportunities, so that you can have the time to pursue great ones.

So stop apologizing and caring about other people’s opinions and expectations. Stop allowing others to always depend on and take advantage of you. Stop saying Yes to everything!

“Sometimes, we need to say no so that we have more time to say yes.” – Suzette Hinton

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Obtaining Eternal Inner Peace through the Magic of Meditation

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We’ve discussed how to slow down in today’s busy world through recognizing your thinking patterns and implementing basic breathing exercises at times when you’re overwhelmed.

In addition, we’ve dug into the impact of reflecting and how you can learn to sit back inside of your mind and dissociate from “being” your thoughts. How you can teach yourself to simply watch and observe every thought that pops up as they come and go, without judgement. And how through this awareness, you can then extract subconscious thoughts from within and connect important and sometimes life discovering dots together.

Today I wanted to focus attention on the practice of meditation, which is another unbelievable tool that can be applied to obtain a deep sense of inner peace, awareness and gratitude. It offers a wide array of health benefits and can truly help slow you down in every sense of the meaning, especially when you feel like you’re going 100 miles an hour on all cylinders.

Through meditation you can achieve a state of mindfulness where you’re fully aware and immersed within the present moment. Through diligent practice, during this unique and incredible moment in time (it could last for only a split second) your thoughts magically (and temporarily, of course) pause.

You become so focused on the act of meditating that your thought machine quietly shuts down and takes a much needed break.

Now let me ask you a few questions: 

When’s the last time you weren’t in a rush?

When’s the last time you intentionally went an hour without picking up your phone during the day?

The hidden human superpower in this day and age is being AWARE.

Being aware of your thoughts and learning how to control them.

Being aware that you feel rushed and in a hurry to speed up, and gaining the ability to instantly slow down at a moments notice.

Being aware that you’ve spent over 5 unproductive hours on your phone in one day, while picking it up over 300 times throughout that span of time, and figuring out a way to take a step back and focus on the present.

This sense of life altering awareness can be achieved through meditation.

F the BS: It’s time to learn to meditate so that you can harness the power of awareness  

Obvious Disclaimer: I’m not a meditation expert. My insights below are from my research, findings and experiences through meditating. There’s no one size fits all approach here. Do what makes you feel most comfortable and focused. 

When meditating, you want to make sure you perform the practice in a very relaxing and calm environment. Some say to do it in a place where you only use this specific area for the sole purpose of meditation. (I enjoy meditating in the morning, but you can realistically do it whenever you have some down time to relax and focus).

Ideally, you want to either

-sit in a comfortable chair ensuring you have proper posture
-sit on the floor with your legs crossed with proper posture
-lay completely down with your arms and shoulders relaxed (I prefer this option, especially for those with back pain).

In terms of the style of meditation, below are three different types that I’ve used in the past and still use today (apparently there’s over 20 different types to choose from!).

Guided Meditation

These days there’s a ton of apps that offer guided meditation. This is when a person is speaking to you and takes you through the journey, hence guided.

If you’re brand new to meditating, this is probably going to be your best bet initially as someone’s voice will be with you every step of the way to bring you into a relaxed state so that you can focus on the practice.

Focused Attention Meditation

This is simply the act of focusing on something specific throughout your practice, such as your breath. Fully observing your body and what it does every time you inhale and exhale. It’s good to choose a word to say each time you inhale as well as exhale to help you prolong your focus.

Passage Meditation

I learned this incredible practice from Eknath Easwaran, an amazing indian spiritual teacher. He wrote books that I highly recommend reading such as Passage Meditation, Take Your Time and the Mantram Handbook.

Passage meditation is a unique form where you initially memorize an inspirational passage (ideally one written from some of the world’s great spiritual traditions). You then slowly read the passage word for word over and over again, without thinking into the meaning of the words.

This form of meditation is by far my favorite, but it’s also the most difficult of the three. By focusing on a passage filled with positivity, you essentially become what you meditate on.

To wrap it up…

Meditation is NOT easy. It will take you a LONG time to be able to slow down your thoughts and fully focus on the present moment throughout your practice.

The GOOD thing is that if you stick with it, it will offer you a lifetime of peace, happiness and gratitude.

Just remember: Repeatedly returning is the key. If you find yourself getting distracted, recognize it, don’t judge it and simply return to the practice.

“A calm mind releases the most precious capacity a human being can have: the capacity to turn anger into compassion, fear into fearlessness, and hatred into love.” – Eknath Easwaran

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Learning to Solve Problems through the Cultivation of Patience

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Life is like a board game. Each time you roll the dice and advance forward you land on a new set of problems. In order to proceed to the next step (to a new batch of issues and concerns), you must first learn how to properly deal with what’s thrown at you so that you can progress in the most effective manner to ultimately excel at this game we call life.

It’s conclusive that humans want happiness, love and fulfillment (at least most of the time). Think of these as qualities that you can achieve for a lifetime, once you learn how to win at the board game of life.

The question is, how can you really reap the benefits of these attributes and harness them for as long as you’re on this planet? Or better yet, how can you learn to effectively solve problems in order to eternally access them?

Enter: Patience.

We always hear the saying “Patience is a virtue”, but do you ever stop to really soak in the meaning of the statement?

By definition, patience is “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.”

Through various books, I’ve discovered (which might come as totally obvious to some) that the key to a well-rounded life boils down to your level of patience.

If your patience tank is always on low, you’re most likely a person who gets upset and offended easily, jumping back and forth from positive emotion to negative emotion solely based on all the external factors that come into your existence. Simply put, you’re currently sitting in last place in the board game metaphor.

On the other hand, if you’ve got a full tank of patience you’re typically someone who is calm and composed, ready to take on anything that’s thrown at you with fortitude. In other words, you’re leading the way in the game of life.

Regardless of how much money you possess, your status personally amongst friends or professionally amongst colleagues, even how attractive you may be, if you lack patience you lack the true meaning and sense of what life is supposed to be about.

F the BS: It’s time to learn how to solve your problems by becoming more patient

Now that we know (or have known) that life is always going to throw obstacles at us, everyone can learn to add a few more drops of patience into their daily dose of life. So let’s drill down a few different ways to rewire our minds into gaining more of this one of a kind virtue.

-Slow down your thinking – This is one we’ve discussed in the past. If you can learn to live life on an even keel (through meditation, breathing, reflecting, etc) you’ll be able to control whatever comes at you with confidence and determination, preventing it from affecting your mental state of mind.

-Realize the impermanence of life itself – Life is short. Shit can pop off at any minute. Think about how unimportant whatever it is you’re about to let negatively affect you and realize how insignificant it is in the grand scheme of things.

-Avoid the issue entirely – Most problems experienced are recurring, if not on a daily basis, then enough times throughout life that one can learn to pinpoint them as they are about to occur or even better, right before they present themselves. Really think about this one, and the next time a dilemma is slowly creeping into your existence, take notice of it, stay calm, prevent your emotions from escalating (maybe even take a few deep breaths) and shoot it down with dignity.

-Be compassionate – If your potential problem involves someone else, try to put their feelings and point of view first. Is it really their fault? Even if it is, are they worth disturbing your immediate quality of life?

-Appreciate your dislikes – Most of the time problems and dislikes are interchangeable, but what if you took a new approach to your dislikes and looked at them in a positive light? Can you give them attention and focus and learn to appreciate them and maybe even be grateful for them as they are?

-Use a mantra(m) – Each time emotions are heightened, repeat a phrase or word inside of your head to distract you from the situation at hand until you have a clear mind to approach the problem in a calmer state.

To wrap things up…

It’s pretty simple. If you can acquire more of the skill called patience you can live a better quality of life.

Regardless if you’re completely blindsided by a problem or can prepare and anticipate one coming, the objective is to learn to not allow yourself to blow them out of proportion. Don’t let your emotions and moods be dictated by the external factors that make up your problems. 

The next time you’re presented with one of life’s challenges, try to be a little more patient and see what happens. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up winning at the game of life 🙂

“A man who is a master of patience is a master of everything else.” – George Savile

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Why Failing in life is GOOD

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In most people’s world, the word failure has a negative connotation to it. When you think of the word in your head, or say it out loud it brings about a whirlwind of averse emotions. Fear, shame, embarrassment, disappointment, etc.

But why? Why does failure have to be bad?

I guess the better question is, why have we been raised in society to view failure as negative?

Take Sara Blakley for example, the founder of Spanx (She’s only worth about $1 Billion).

Growing up her dad encouraged her to fail and fail often. At the dinner table he’d ask what she failed at that day/week. He’d then proceed to give her high-fives for these failures. At times, he’d even be disappointed when she didn’t have anything that she had failed at.

A popular line from Sara herself – “My dad always encouraged me to fail, and because of this, he gave me the gift of retraining my thinking about failure,” she explained. “Failure for me became about not trying, instead of the outcome.”

Reread the above once more.

If you TRY you can NEVER fail, even if things don’t work out as planned.

While you are most likely much older than the young Sara sitting at the dinner table, it’s never too late to retrain your mind and thinking about failure.

Failure doesn’t HAVE to be a bad thing.

Think about this for a moment:

What’s something extremely important to you that you’ve hesitated on going through with because of your fear of failing?

Now, what’s the absolutely WORST possible outcome that can happen from attempting to pursue this dream, passion, goal, etc?

I can almost guarantee that if you attempt to retrain your mind/thinking about failure, the satisfaction you’d receive from going after this important endeavor (even just the process and learning experience from it) would drastically outweigh any negative emotions that you’d endure from not being able to accomplish the goal.

Even worse, imagine the regret years down the road of never even giving it a shot.

Bumps in the road are just that, nothing more. What I’ve come to discover is that more than half the battle is simply building up the courage to get started and to try.

If it doesn’t work out, big deal! Move on. You do so in other aspects of your life when forced to, why not do it when it comes to the most IMPORTANT aspects of your life.

Nine times out of ten the fear and excuses that you tell yourself that prevent you from taking the first step forward, are never anywhere near as extreme as you’d expect them to be once you’ve taken the plunge and later look back.

The next time you’re feeling inspired and ready to take a leap of faith into the unknown, don’t let your old perception of failure get in the way. Don’t let your fear of failure outweigh your motivation to achieve.

Just ask yourself, what’s the worst possible outcome that can happen?

You only have one life to live and we’re only here for so long. Don’t waste it by limiting yourself or worrying about other people’s opinions or what they may or may not think of you.

I’ll leave you with a quote by J.K. Rowling:

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”

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