Category: Habit Building

Kicking Procrastination to the Curb

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Why does one procrastinate?

After contemplating on this topic for quite some time, I’ve come to realize that the main reason we defer to go after meaningful goals (regardless of how big or small) is due to a deep rooted sense of fear within.

Fear of failure. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of what others will think.

We’ve previously discussed

-why failing is good as well as how to rewire our brain and thoughts about fear.
-that most of the time the worst possible outcome for any situation is typically nowhere near as extreme as you subconsciously make it out to be.
-to stop caring so much about other people’s opinions about your decisions as well as their overall thoughts concerning you.

However, fear still lurks inside of the mind each time courage is built up and potential action is deliberated.

So what does it take to not just retain the information you’ve been provided with, but actually apply and implement it to truly kick any form of procrastination or excuses to the curb for good?

By slowly taking it one step at a time, bit by bit, you can begin to chip away at the big scary monster that you’ve built up inside of your head known as fear.

F the BS: Kick this shit to the curb already!

1 – What’s your main goal? 

Write it down on a piece of paper or type it out on your computer.

2 – What’s a realistic deadline of achieving this goal? (don’t be lenient here, but also try to remain rational)

This is important, as without a deadline you’ll just revert back to your old ways.

Make this large and bolded. Maybe in a different color.

3 – Chop up your goal into small steps

Take the time to write and break down your goal into tiny parts. It doesn’t matter if you only know the first few ideas, as this will help put you on the proper path to discovering future steps.

This also helps prevent you from getting overwhelmed.

4 – Take the time to mentally visualize attaining your goal

Even if it’s just for a minute each day, take a moment to visually see yourself achieving your aspirations. Try to literally feel the success that would come with turning your idea into a reality. Think about positive emotions your loved ones would permeate when celebrating this remarkable accomplishment with you.

5 – Hold yourself accountable

Make deadlines within your overall deadline and hold yourself to them. If this is too difficult, appoint a family or friend to check up on you to ensure you remain on track. Give them permission to be stern and remind yourself that they are doing it out of love if you ever start to feel negative emotions towards them.

6 – Be happy with the small wins

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Even if your goal is still far from being obtained, enjoy the small victories on your path to success. These quick wins are what helps to build momentum and the positive energy necessary to continue powering through any roadblocks that step in your way.

By putting these few steps into motion, you’re mapping out a plan on paper and visually within your mind. This allows you to visibly see the course that you must take to fulfill your dreams.

At this point, if you want it enough, you will take the action needed to go after and get them!

“Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone” – Pablo Picasso

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Leveraging the Mastermind Principle to Guarantee Success

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I’ve quoted and referred to Napoleon Hill a few times throughout these posts and today will be no different.

Hill coined the term “mastermind principle/group” almost a century ago and it’s discovery and impact is just as powerful now as it was back then.

The principle is described as the “Coordination of knowledge and effort, in a spirit of harmony, between two or more people, for the attainment of a definite purpose.”

Simply put, if you surround yourself with others who have similar desires and motives that align with your vision, each individual within the group will grow exponentially and achieve much more success than if they were to go at it alone.

He goes into detail and breaks down the two traits that a Master Mind consists of, and what they can potentially provide you with.

One is economic, the other is psychic.

Economic – If you are counseled by wise people who are looking out for your best interests and possess certain experiences and knowledge that you lack, these shared insights can help catapult you to a new level that can be used to your advantage.

Psychic – By linking up with “other minds” who share relatable views, something not seen with the naked eye is magically conceived, which can be harnessed and leveraged on your path to achievement.

Here’s a terrific quote and summary by Hill on the psychic principle. “No two minds ever come together without, thereby, creating a third, invisible, intangible force which may be likened to a third mind.”

If you’re thinking to yourself right now that this sounds like bullshit, think again.

Go read any biography on any extremely powerful and successful individual and you’ll discover that each and every one of them either had someone specific or a group of people in their corner who further propelled them to the next stage in their pursuit of prosperity.

To wrap things up…

As you bring this principle into your awareness, it becomes clear that in order to excel and grow within any aspect of your life you must surround yourself around those transmitting the equivalent mentality and aspirations. Once you can begin to accept this, its infinite power can be absorbed.

Do not wait. Add and subtract those in your life as needed. Regardless of how difficult it may be, making this change will undoubtedly become the most beneficial decision of your life.

“Men take on the nature and the habits and the POWER OF THOUGHT of those with whom they associate in a spirit of sympathy and harmony.” – Napoleon Hill

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Learning to Master Your Emotions While Embracing Any Situation

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We like to believe that we have more control of our lives and emotions than we really do.

When something doesn’t go as planned, most of us get angry or agitated.

But could it be that we set ourselves up for this anguish?

Is it possible that these emotions primarily stem from us focusing too much on situations out of our control that really should be pushed to the side and not worried about at all?

Imagine yourself working hard to achieve something very important to you, but it’s causing you to lose sleep, increase your stress levels and isolate yourself from those you care about the most (potentially the people who you may be doing this task for).

Most of the time it wouldn’t be worth putting yourself and those you love through this agony, regardless of what you’re attempting to accomplish.

According to William Irvine, (author of A Guide to the Good Life) setting up expectations and goals that we have complete control over (and partial control over) internally beforehand, versus those that we have no control over, can save ourselves from negative emotions that can arise.

An instance could be a goal that is easily obtainable that has lesser odds of failing or causing disappointment versus the example prior that can lead to suffering during the process, even if you end up achieving it.

F the BS: It’s time to steer our emotions towards the path that leads to embracement

We need to become indifferent to our feelings and emotions, regardless if they are positive or negative.

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t feel joy or displeasure from certain events in your life, but more so that whatever happens happens and to not take things too seriously.

Shakespeare once said, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Simply put, he believes that nothing in this world should be labeled into these two categories. If you can learn to accept this, you will begin to navigate your life towards a more peaceful state where your emotions are in your control (versus being completely situational and based on conditions out of your hands).

In the big picture, it’s a complete waste of our time and efforts to weigh heavily on past or present events that we have no control over.

The impermanence of life is real. We are very fortunate to be able to live.

So take a second to realize that in this moment there’s a very important decision to make. You can either fill your thoughts with hopes and wishes of it being different, or you can learn to embrace it for whatever it is.

If you choose to embrace it, your life will be well lived.

I’ll leave you with this 2,000+ year old story…

One day in late summer, an old farmer was working in his field with his old sick horse. The farmer felt compassion for the horse and desired to lift its burden. So he let his horse loose to go the mountains and live out the rest of its life.

Soon after, neighbors from the nearby village visited, offering their condolences and said, “What a shame.  Now your only horse is gone.  How unfortunate you are!. You must be very sad. How will you live, work the land, and prosper?” The farmer replied: “Who knows? We shall see”.

Two days later the old horse came back now rejuvenated after meandering in the mountainsides while eating the wild grasses. He came back with twelve new younger and healthy horses which followed the old horse into the corral.

Word got out in the village of the old farmer’s good fortune and it wasn’t long before people stopped by to congratulate the farmer on his good luck.  “How fortunate you are!” they exclaimed. You must be very happy!”  Again, the farmer softly said, “Who knows? We shall see.”

At daybreak on the next morning, the farmer’s only son set off to attempt to train the new wild horses, but the farmer’s son was thrown to the ground and broke his leg.  One by one villagers arrived during the day to bemoan the farmer’s latest misfortune.  “Oh, what a tragedy!  Your son won’t be able to help you farm with a broken leg. You’ll have to do all the work yourself, How will you survive? You must be very sad”.  they said.  Calmly going about his usual business the farmer answered, “Who knows? We shall see”


Several days later a war broke out. The Emperor’s men arrived in the village demanding that young men come with them to be conscripted into the Emperor’s army.  As it happened the farmer’s son was deemed unfit because of his broken leg.  “What very good fortune you have!!” the villagers exclaimed as their own young sons were marched away. “You must be very happy.” “Who knows? We shall see!”, replied the old farmer as he headed off to work his field alone.

As time went on the broken leg healed but the son was left with a slight limp. Again the neighbors came to pay their condolences. “Oh what bad luck. Too bad for you”!  But the old farmer simply replied; “Who knows? We shall see.”

As it turned out the other young village boys had died in the war and the old farmer and his son were the only able bodied men capable of working the village lands. The old farmer became wealthy and was very generous to the villagers. They said: “Oh how fortunate we are, you must be very happy”, to which the old farmer replied, “Who knows? We shall see!”

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How Thinking about Death can Reawaken your Life

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Death is an interesting subject. In the back of our minds we all know that one day we will die, as well as all of our loved ones.

We go through our days subconsciously trying to avoid death, by buckling our seatbelt, driving safely (hopefully while not texting), eating healthier foods, exercising, etc.

Yet most of us prefer to keep the idea of death within the subconscious versus bringing it to the surface of our focus and confronting it directly.

By thinking about death, you can reawaken your life for the better.

Cultivating a keen awareness of death creates a pathway in your mind to a whole new world.  This world is filled with authentic gratitude for each and every moment within the present.

It enables you to bring to light and freely accept the hard truth that you never know when it will be your last time seeing someone you love or doing something you enjoy.

We’ve all heard the saying that you should live everyday like it’s your last, but it’s definitely easier said than done. And the majority of people who say it most likely don’t wholeheartedly practice what they preach.

F the BS: It’s time to call death out so that you can live everyday like it’s your last

You must repeatedly make the effort to bring death to your attention. Use the power of reflection and negative visualization (for a refresher reread the post on negative visualization) to sit with the Grim Reaper himself and allow yourself to become more comfortable with the idea of talking about it on a conscious level.

Through consistent repetition, you begin to create new tracts of thoughts and outlooks on life within the mind, all pertaining to death.

This leads to eventually becoming a subconscious task throughout each day, that ultimately empowers you to extract the absolute most out of life.

So I’ll leave you with this thought…

Fast forward to an older version of yourself who is lying on their deathbed. Try to envision what it would potentially feel like to be in that very moment, contemplating about the life that you lived.

Now come back to the present.

Ask yourself this question: On my deathbed, do I want to be able to look back at my life and smile and be truly happy and appreciative of the decisions that I made, the memories and experiences I lived through as well as the lives that I touched?

If the answer to that question is yes, then in this very moment it’s time to take control and implement these teachings.

The people in your life right now will NOT be here forever. Develop the awareness necessary to live in the present moment and to never take anyone or anything for granted. You do NOT want to have regrets.

Think about death often and without fear and watch as every part of your existence rises to a higher sense of gratitude, purpose and emotion.

“Live in the present and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.” – Ida Scott Taylor

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Building the Confidence to take on any Obstacle

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Confidence.

Some people are naturally born with it, while others go through years or decades (sometimes even a lifetime) of internal battles to overcome and gain the courage needed to pursue a dream.

Before you can become persistent and learn to be able to withstand the volatility of obstacles, as well as emotions, that are most certainly sprinkled throughout the path to achieving your goal, you must first build and acquire the confidence necessary to get started.

How does one grow in confidence? 

It’s wise to start by focusing on what you know you’re already good at and excel in. The small wins that can slowly compound and gain steam from performing tasks that you already have confidence in is essential.

From here, it’s crucial to request or organically receive constructive criticism.

This feedback needs to be taken without the presence of emotions or judgement. At first it may be difficult, but you must remember what we’ve learned previously in regards to anger and insults. If the person is someone you trust and respect, or you see that they are simply providing their opinion from their own point of view, you should accept it for what it is.

Do NOT become too hard on yourself at this time.

On the other hand, implementing the worthwhile aspects of outside input will help in continuing to add up your small victories to the point that you feel bold enough to take the next steps.

At this stage, you should be in a happy environment where you’re working on and vastly improving already positive attributes.

It is extremely important that you use the power of your mind and awareness to not allow negative external factors from derailing your self-esteem (confidence and self-esteem are not the same thing).

You’ve decided on your own to take control and go after your aspirations. The amount of self-esteem and self-worth required to take these steps are immense, and you are filled with it.

Do NOT succumb to pondering or, even worse, believing in what others might be thinking and feeling about you and what you’re doing.

I cannot express enough how imperative it is to not allow these people (family and friends in particular, most of the time) to fill your head with negativity. This will certainly lower your self-esteem levels and prevent you from continuing on your course.

You must guard and defend (as soldiers would for their country) yourself from the pessimism that will absolutely approach and knock on the front door of your mind.

Just remember that you are the sum of the five people you are closest with. If one or two of your confidants isn’t positively impacting your life in a way that you’re truly benefiting from, then it’s time to cut them out of the picture.

People like this typically feed off of others failures, and are deep down envious and jealous of those around them, especially those that they feel inferior to.

Guard against negativity at all costs.

Once you can master these barriers, you’ve finally built the confidence to take anything head on.

You’re mentally prepared to go after your lifelong passions with enough tenacity, persistence and enthusiasm that NOTHING can get in your way and stop you.

A short story to wrap things up….

A tired bird landed on a branch. The bird rested, enjoying the view from the branch and the protection it offered from dangerous animals. Just as the bird became used to the branch and
the support and safety it offered, a strong wind started blowing, and the tree swayed with such intensity that it seemed the branch would snap in half.

But the bird was not worried for it knew two important truths. The first truth – even without the branch it was able to fly, and thus remain safe through the power of its own two wings. The second truth – it also knew that there are many other branches upon which it can temporarily rest.

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Realizing the Undeniable Power of Persistence

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We previously dove into the concept of fulfilling our lifetime goals and passions by pairing our childlike imaginations with the burning desire to not accept defeat.

We discussed that defeat is only temporary and that most of the time what we’re seeking is only a couple of steps away from obtaining.

But what happens when you’re faced with insurmountable adversity and setback after setback?

How do you muster the willpower and drive that’s vital to rising from the ashes and taking what’s yours?

It’s my pleasure to introduce you to Persistence.

My long term business partner always tells me that I taught him what it means to be persistent. And while back then it might’ve been more of him simply noticing me constantly annoying the crap out of people to get what I want, I’ve discovered over the years that persistency may very well be the greatest asset that I have and will ever possess.

According to Google, by definition the word “persistent” means:

-continuing firmly or obstinately in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.

-continuing to exist or endure over a prolonged period.

In addition to awareness, persistency is another human superpower. It’s absolutely undeniable when it comes to the potential and ability that one has if they bleed persistence.

Take Michael Jordan for example. During his sophomore year in high school he tried out for the varsity team, yet he didn’t make the cut.
Or Sylvester Stallone. Before he created Rocky, his scripts were rejected hundreds of times, failing to sell any of his screenplays he’d written.

Or what about the everyday man or woman (that you don’t know or ever hear about) who remain relentless despite all of the ups and downs in life and continue to pursue their dreams and undoubtedly come out on top?

Had either of the two guys mentioned above or the millions of other extremely successful individuals (who have made an enormous impact for infinite amounts of others) lacked the persistency needed to keep pushing forward, we’d never get the opportunity to see them demonstrate their greatness and learn from their downfalls.

If you can rediscover and reignite (or newly discover and ignite) your deepest burning desire within and combine it with the indisputable power of persistence, there is nothing that can prevent you from achieving your lifelong visions.

By persistently feeding yourself positive thoughts and desires that you want to come true, you are tapping into and influencing the subconscious mind, which has the power to help turn your aspirations into physical form.

As the great Napoleon Hill once said, “Every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent advantage.”

So F the BS.

Take fear and failure head on. Don’t allow criticism or the idea of criticism to outweigh your desire for success.

Stop thinking and start doing. 

We like to believe that our thoughts are always right, but they’re not. 

Make it your objective right now to plant the seed of persistency within your mind and carefully watch it as it begins to germinate and flourish.

By continuing to push forward and not allow anything to get in your way of what you seek, you’re literally winning the battle as you go.

And just try to remember… it’s all about the journey, not the destination.

“Success is not the absence of failure; it’s the persistence through failure” – Aisha Tyler

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Eliminating the Impact of Insults from your Mind

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We all experience it (with some being able to acknowledge it), yet it’s something extremely difficult to control.

A family member, friend or a loved one says or does an action that instantly puts you in a bad mood.

Whether you’re immediately filled with anger or are frustrated and annoyed, the fact of the matter is that it has completely affected your present state of being.

Who’s to blame for this sense of outrage that you feel pumping deep within every vein?

The person to point the finger at is yourself.

Each and every one of us has the ability to control our emotions. It’s entirely up to you to do so.

Think about this for a second.

You’re walking into a friends house and as soon as you enter through the front door, their dog begins to bark at you aggressively.

You smile and say Hi to the dog, maybe even give it a pet or two.

But why? This dog is clearly barking at you for a reason, one being that it doesn’t seem to like you at this very moment. Yet your mood is perfectly sound.

Subconsciously you’ve already made the decision that it’s just a dog and that getting upset or feeling insulted by it’s actions would be silly.

Those accepted and prompt reactions and rationalizations can be harnessed, controlled and applied towards people, as well as any predicament that you may find yourself in.

F THE BS: It’s time to eliminate these emotional triggers from the equation (you can thank the book A Guide to the Good Life for these tips!)

The next time you find yourself in a situation where someone has just made a statement that potentially insults you, pause for a moment before reacting or responding.

Think to yourself…

Is what was just said true? If so, then there’s not much to be upset or insulted about.

Next ask yourself – how informed is the insulter on this specific topic? Could it be that this is simply the way they view and sincerely see things?

If you’re having a difficult time determining the honest answers to the two questions above, ask yourself –  Do I respect and value this person’s opinion? If you do, then you shouldn’t take what was said the wrong way.

The moral of the lesson here is that YOU are the source of any sting or burn that is felt from the insult. If you can take the few seconds to ask yourself the questions above, more likely than not you’ll come to discover that there’s nothing to get offended about.

Even more so, if the persons remarks were insulting and you feel strongly that they aren’t true then why allow this unreliable person to negatively affect your character? If anything, you should feel sorry for them.

There’s nothing stopping you from taking a different approach and rewiring your thoughts and triggers into subconsciously accepting that a person’s insults carry no harm to you, especially those that aren’t true to begin with!

Just think about the non-insulting barking dog 🙂

We only have so much time to live our lives. Take control of your internal intelligence and apply it’s capabilities to these external situations. This way you ensure that the ball is always in your court when it comes to your emotions and how you feel at any given moment, regardless of the circumstances.

“Who then is invincible? The one who cannot be upset by anything outside their reasoned choice.” Epictetus:

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How Reading Books Can Open New Doors

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If you had told me while in middle school or high school (even in college) that I’d be reading 2-3 books a month consistently for years after graduating and pursuing a career, I’d definitely laugh in your face.

We grow up in a schooling system that requires us to read certain books throughout the course of our educational advancements, but did any of us really do it because we enjoyed it?

Obviously when you are forced to do something it’s much less fun than when you openly choose to do it.

For some, throughout life it seems as though they irrationally view reading a book as something they were once forced to do and now choose not to do simply because of those past experiences and emotional triggers that arise from thinking about them.

According to a study by Pew Research that was published in May of 2018, 24% of American adults say that they haven’t read a book in whole or in part over the trailing 12 months.

Per the Washington Post, in 2017 the average American spent 10x more time watching TV (roughly 3 hours per day) than they spent reading.

And people wonder why they are overweight, unmotivated and barely making ends meet financially.

You have the ability and certainly the time to change all of that, through the secret power that books hold within them. 

F the BS: Let’s dive into the influence of reading books and why you need to start now

Self-help books have been a HUGE part of my life over the last few years. I honestly cannot imagine what path my journey would’ve taken without the guidance and tremendous wealth of knowledge that reading has instilled and provided me with. It’s opened a door in my mind that I never knew existed, granting me the unique opportunity to educate, appreciate and elevate my life to get the most that I possibly can out of it.

Think about it like this.

We always seem to lean towards our elders for the true secrets in life. We ask our grandparents what’s the secret to a long term marriage, to success, to happiness, etc.

Yet, are you fully aware that there are thousands of successful authors out there that combined have gone through infinite experiences throughout their lives? That these people have acquired invaluable insights and wisdom during various stages of growth and have generously chosen to spend YEARS of their life putting them on paper so that YOU can read, learn, implement, share and grow from them?

If you are within the 24% of American adults who haven’t read a book over the last 12 months yet alone part of a book, then SHAME ON YOU.

You’re jipping YOURSELF.

Step up your game. Become wiser. Take immediate action. Start reading.

Deep down don’t you want to flourish and prosper throughout your life? Don’t you want to squeeze everything that you possibly can out of the short period of time that we all have on this planet?

A few tips…

I choose to read two different books at the same time. One nonfiction self-help book during the day time, and a fiction book right before bed time.

Fiction before sleep

If you have a hard time relaxing your mind and dozing off into a delicious slumber at night, I highly recommend reading a fiction book prior to hitting the sack (even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes at first). You can thank Tim Ferris for this tip!

Fiction books take your focus off of the thousands of thoughts that fill your brain and puts all your attention into the novel that you’re reading. As you read, slowly but surely you’ll start to get sleepy and before you know it, you’ll be passed out without a single worry in mind.

Taking notes while reading self-help books

While reading self-help books, it’s incredibly important to write down notes as you go. (If you have a kindle, you can also highlight specific sentences and paragraphs at will. Another game changer is the convenience of highlighting a specific word and instantly seeing its definition. This has expanded my vocabulary immensely!)

The impact of writing notes is indescribable. Since the entire objective is to actually retain and implement the information that you’re reading, not only does it help you in remembering key points from each book, it also allows you to revisit the strategies as needed. This helps with holding yourself accountable and ensuring you execute the teachings.

Even more so, through this pattern of repetition the concepts slowly begin to creep into your subconscious where they get fully taken advantage of and utilized to maximum capacity.

“If we encounter a man of rare intellect, we should ask him what books he reads.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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What Children can teach us about not giving a Fuck

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Children are interesting. They’re born and then before you know it, they’re already walking and talking.

Once the talking stage begins, their imagination truly comes out which allows them to create stories and use their facial expressions to show just how much they believe in the fairy tales that they narrate.

If you ask them a personal question knowing that the answer could potentially hurt your feelings, they’ll quickly give you an honest and direct response without batting an eye.

Take my niece for example. When she was around 6 or 7 I asked her to look at my teeth and tell me whether or not they were yellow. Without hesitation she said that they were.

I then asked her which specific ones were yellow, and she proceeded to go one by one and point out which teeth in my mouth were yellow.

How’s that for being completely blunt!

We can learn a lot from children, especially when it comes to how little they give a fuck about (or can even understand at certain ages) the repercussions of potentially sensitive subjects.

F the BS: It’s time to learn to not give a fuck

The next time you catch yourself contemplating on how to approach a delicate situation personally, or you find that you feel like you’re walking on eggshells during a sticky scenario at work, pause for a second and think about the potential outcome if you were to say fuck it and tell whoever you’re speaking to how it really is and should be.

If the worst case scenario isn’t too bad, try to be a complete straight-shooter with zero fucks given and see what happens.

Sometimes to succeed and get by in life you have to stand up, be pushy and aggressive and fight hard for what you truly believe deep down is right. Not only can this result in getting what you want out of the situation, but even more so it can attract and accumulate respect.

People who learn to live life as an ethical asshole (one who approaches situations very pragmatically and sternly to ensure they get their way, even if there’s potential to hurt one’s feelings) typically excel and get further ahead in certain aspects of life because they know what they want and they go after it and take it, saying F it to repercussions that don’t necessarily have significant impact.

To wrap it up…

If you really want something in life, and I mean REALLY want it, sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, confront the BS head on (whether it’s internally or externally) and take what’s rightfully yours.

In some cases, NOT doing so can have a major negative impact and trajectory on your life.

Don’t let that happen to yourself, be a dick if you must!

“Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy.” – Mark Manson

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The Power of Saying NO

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From the day to day hustle and bustle of work, to dealing with your children (and/or family members and close friends in general), to paying bills, to hearing all of the negative stories on the news, life can be STRESSFUL.

In fact, roughly 40 million American adults (about 18% of the entire population) have some kind of an anxiety disorder, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America.

Yet, as if our stress and anxiety levels aren’t high enough, people find ways to increase them even more by being a “Yes person”.

We all know this type of person too well (and in some cases, it may even be you!).

They overcommit and stretch themselves too thin. They lose sleep, get sick and can never find the time to focus on and take care of themselves, all because they instantly react rather than take the time to pause and think first.

F the BS: It’s time to stop saying YES and tap into the benefits of saying NO

In order to switch from a yes person to a no person, you must first understand the psychology behind that of a yes-man (or woman).

Most yes people have a mindset that seeks external validation. The majority of their confidence and self-esteem are directly correlated and tied to what others think.

Simply put, they care way too much about what people think about them and subconsciously base their decisions and reactions off of the ideas of what someone else may think.

To an extent they say Yes as a way to gain approval, as well as a method to purposely avoid confrontation and the feelings of negativity.

By craving approval from the outside and letting these unconscious concepts dictate their lives, they sadly miss the mark of where they should really be looking for any and every form of validation, which is on the inside.

Through the power of reflection (diving deep into past experiences, decisions and reactions) as well as leveraging the remarkable abilities of the mind (neuroplasticity), one can discover and pinpoint specific situations where external validation is sought out, take a mental note of it and work on improving and rewiring the brain into realizing that the only affirmation needed is from within.

With this revelation unearthed, you can direct your attention to the benefits of saying No.

Through discipline this tool can change your life.

Saying No allows you to take control. To be able to prioritize and focus on what’s most important for you and your own well-being. (This isn’t being selfish, this is something that is necessary).

Obvious Disclaimer: Outside of those simply trying to suck away your time and energy, when it comes to family and close friends that genuinely need your help, this should always be a priority and something that you say Yes to. 

The next time someone asks you for something, pause before responding. Tell them that you need to ponder it over or that you must give it deeper thought. After careful consideration, if you ultimately decide that it doesn’t align with your goals, say NO.

Whether you believe it or not, you’ll actually gain more respect by consciously choosing the route of saying No.

In life you must turn down good opportunities, so that you can have the time to pursue great ones.

So stop apologizing and caring about other people’s opinions and expectations. Stop allowing others to always depend on and take advantage of you. Stop saying Yes to everything!

“Sometimes, we need to say no so that we have more time to say yes.” – Suzette Hinton

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