Category: Happiness/Gratitude

If you’re reading this you more likely than not are seeking methods to improve your quality of life, which is terrific and something you should be very proud of.

Seriously.

Unfortunately, most fuck everything up by holding the belief that if they can generate a certain amount of financial income, that only then can they accelerate their happiness levels as well as those closest to them.

It’s not your fault. It’s our environment. It’s what we were conditioned to think and believe since we were youngins.

With this ingrained and limiting view, you allow your behaviors and thoughts to seek validation for it and begin to take action towards it.

The problem with this concept is the belief that something external (money) can bring us what we really seek (gratitude, fulfillment, freedom and happiness).

A sense of gratitude, fulfillment, freedom and happiness are internal feelings. They’re developed from within you, NOT from you getting a new job or a bonus or even winning the lottery and adding an extra few zeros to your bank account.

For real, winning the lottery does NOT make you happier.

Even if you were to increase the amount of money you make, the elusive sensations of fulfillment and happiness are not going to just magically hop onto your shoulders and ride the remaining wave of life with you.

It can takes years, decades, even LIFETIMES of hard work and practice to acquire these coveted qualities consistently over the course of one’s life.

The statement above may hurt and offend, but it’s a hard truth. One that you must learn to accept.

What’s incredible about the process of personal growth and self-discovery (something that I’ve been actively working on for some time now) is just how much of a positive impact your existence and thirst for knowledge and execution of that knowledge can have on others.

Those you love in particular.

While many of us always seek to take care of our family and friends in some way shape or form, we primarily and subconsciously seek to improve ourselves.

Our health, productivity levels, how much we have in our wallet/bank account, etc.

We read self-help books on habits that we need to create as well as those we must eliminate.

We listen to podcasts that inspire and motivate us to want to take action and take the steps towards financial freedom.

We watch documentaries of those who have faced tremendous adversity and overcame it with a incredible sense of ambition and determination to succeed.

But regardless if we are able to achieve success financially, simply performing these acts day in and day out, working on improving ourselves and our well-being physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally, we can discover that success isn’t what brings happiness, but that in fact happiness is what brings success.

When you take action to educate yourself (on how to get motivated, become happier, become more grateful, to start your own business, to become more positive, to question your beliefs, your thinking patterns, etc), you begin to learn new and exciting concepts and ideas, forcing your brain to literally start growing new neurological pathways.

This level of tenacity and insatiable hunger to want to achieve and become a more improved and better YOU paradoxically allows you to make an impact on your loved ones in a way that MONEY NEVER CAN.

Your elevated sense of awareness, confidence and positivity that you undoubtedly begin to possess is massively contagious.

Those you surround yourself with can immediately feel and sense the new and heightened version of you. And if they truly love you, they’ll not only be happy and grateful for you, but also take it and implement it into their life.

So keep on going.

Take control of your life, constantly better yourself for the greater good and watch as your own self improvement casts a beacon, luring in those around you to reach new heights.

“I know I’m fortunate to live an extraordinary life, and that most people would assume my business success, and the wealth that comes with it, have brought me happiness. But they haven’t; in fact it’s the reverse. I am successful, wealthy and connected because I am happy.” – Richard Branson

We like to believe that we have more control of our lives and emotions than we really do.

When something doesn’t go as planned, most of us get angry or agitated.

But could it be that we set ourselves up for this anguish?

Is it possible that these emotions primarily stem from us focusing too much on situations out of our control that really should be pushed to the side and not worried about at all?

Imagine yourself working hard to achieve something very important to you, but it’s causing you to lose sleep, increase your stress levels and isolate yourself from those you care about the most (potentially the people who you may be doing this task for).

Most of the time it wouldn’t be worth putting yourself and those you love through this agony, regardless of what you’re attempting to accomplish.

According to William Irvine, (author of A Guide to the Good Life) setting up expectations and goals that we have complete control over (and partial control over) internally beforehand, versus those that we have no control over, can save ourselves from negative emotions that can arise.

An instance could be a goal that is easily obtainable that has lesser odds of failing or causing disappointment versus the example prior that can lead to suffering during the process, even if you end up achieving it.

F the BS: It’s time to steer our emotions towards the path that leads to embracement

We need to become indifferent to our feelings and emotions, regardless if they are positive or negative.

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t feel joy or displeasure from certain events in your life, but more so that whatever happens happens and to not take things too seriously.

Shakespeare once said, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Simply put, he believes that nothing in this world should be labeled into these two categories. If you can learn to accept this, you will begin to navigate your life towards a more peaceful state where your emotions are in your control (versus being completely situational and based on conditions out of your hands).

In the big picture, it’s a complete waste of our time and efforts to weigh heavily on past or present events that we have no control over.

The impermanence of life is real. We are very fortunate to be able to live.

So take a second to realize that in this moment there’s a very important decision to make. You can either fill your thoughts with hopes and wishes of it being different, or you can learn to embrace it for whatever it is.

If you choose to embrace it, your life will be well lived.

I’ll leave you with this 2,000+ year old story…

One day in late summer, an old farmer was working in his field with his old sick horse. The farmer felt compassion for the horse and desired to lift its burden. So he let his horse loose to go the mountains and live out the rest of its life.

Soon after, neighbors from the nearby village visited, offering their condolences and said, “What a shame.  Now your only horse is gone.  How unfortunate you are!. You must be very sad. How will you live, work the land, and prosper?” The farmer replied: “Who knows? We shall see”.

Two days later the old horse came back now rejuvenated after meandering in the mountainsides while eating the wild grasses. He came back with twelve new younger and healthy horses which followed the old horse into the corral.

Word got out in the village of the old farmer’s good fortune and it wasn’t long before people stopped by to congratulate the farmer on his good luck.  “How fortunate you are!” they exclaimed. You must be very happy!”  Again, the farmer softly said, “Who knows? We shall see.”

At daybreak on the next morning, the farmer’s only son set off to attempt to train the new wild horses, but the farmer’s son was thrown to the ground and broke his leg.  One by one villagers arrived during the day to bemoan the farmer’s latest misfortune.  “Oh, what a tragedy!  Your son won’t be able to help you farm with a broken leg. You’ll have to do all the work yourself, How will you survive? You must be very sad”.  they said.  Calmly going about his usual business the farmer answered, “Who knows? We shall see”

Several days later a war broke out. The Emperor’s men arrived in the village demanding that young men come with them to be conscripted into the Emperor’s army.  As it happened the farmer’s son was deemed unfit because of his broken leg.  “What very good fortune you have!!” the villagers exclaimed as their own young sons were marched away. “You must be very happy.” “Who knows? We shall see!”, replied the old farmer as he headed off to work his field alone.

As time went on the broken leg healed but the son was left with a slight limp. Again the neighbors came to pay their condolences. “Oh what bad luck. Too bad for you”!  But the old farmer simply replied; “Who knows? We shall see.”

As it turned out the other young village boys had died in the war and the old farmer and his son were the only able bodied men capable of working the village lands. The old farmer became wealthy and was very generous to the villagers. They said: “Oh how fortunate we are, you must be very happy”, to which the old farmer replied, “Who knows? We shall see!”

Death is an interesting subject. In the back of our minds we all know that one day we will die, as well as all of our loved ones.

We go through our days subconsciously trying to avoid death, by buckling our seatbelt, driving safely (hopefully while not texting), eating healthier foods, exercising, etc.

Yet most of us prefer to keep the idea of death within the subconscious versus bringing it to the surface of our focus and confronting it directly.

By thinking about death, you can reawaken your life for the better.

Cultivating a keen awareness of death creates a pathway in your mind to a whole new world.  This world is filled with authentic gratitude for each and every moment within the present.

It enables you to bring to light and freely accept the hard truth that you never know when it will be your last time seeing someone you love or doing something you enjoy.

We’ve all heard the saying that you should live everyday like it’s your last, but it’s definitely easier said than done. And the majority of people who say it most likely don’t wholeheartedly practice what they preach.

F the BS: It’s time to call death out so that you can live everyday like it’s your last

You must repeatedly make the effort to bring death to your attention. Use the power of reflection and negative visualization (for a refresher reread the post on negative visualization) to sit with the Grim Reaper himself and allow yourself to become more comfortable with the idea of talking about it on a conscious level.

Through consistent repetition, you begin to create new tracts of thoughts and outlooks on life within the mind, all pertaining to death.

This leads to eventually becoming a subconscious task throughout each day, that ultimately empowers you to extract the absolute most out of life.

So I’ll leave you with this thought…

Fast forward to an older version of yourself who is lying on their deathbed. Try to envision what it would potentially feel like to be in that very moment, contemplating about the life that you lived.

Now come back to the present.

Ask yourself this question: On my deathbed, do I want to be able to look back at my life and smile and be truly happy and appreciative of the decisions that I made, the memories and experiences I lived through as well as the lives that I touched?

If the answer to that question is yes, then in this very moment it’s time to take control and implement these teachings.

The people in your life right now will NOT be here forever. Develop the awareness necessary to live in the present moment and to never take anyone or anything for granted. You do NOT want to have regrets.

Think about death often and without fear and watch as every part of your existence rises to a higher sense of gratitude, purpose and emotion.

“Live in the present and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.” – Ida Scott Taylor

We all experience it (with some being able to acknowledge it), yet it’s something extremely difficult to control.

A family member, friend or a loved one says or does an action that instantly puts you in a bad mood.

Whether you’re immediately filled with anger or are frustrated and annoyed, the fact of the matter is that it has completely affected your present state of being.

Who’s to blame for this sense of outrage that you feel pumping deep within every vein?

The person to point the finger at is yourself.

Each and every one of us has the ability to control our emotions. It’s entirely up to you to do so.

Think about this for a second.

You’re walking into a friends house and as soon as you enter through the front door, their dog begins to bark at you aggressively.

You smile and say Hi to the dog, maybe even give it a pet or two.

But why? This dog is clearly barking at you for a reason, one being that it doesn’t seem to like you at this very moment. Yet your mood is perfectly sound.

Subconsciously you’ve already made the decision that it’s just a dog and that getting upset or feeling insulted by it’s actions would be silly.

Those accepted and prompt reactions and rationalizations can be harnessed, controlled and applied towards people, as well as any predicament that you may find yourself in.

F THE BS: It’s time to eliminate these emotional triggers from the equation (you can thank the book A Guide to the Good Life for these tips!)

The next time you find yourself in a situation where someone has just made a statement that potentially insults you, pause for a moment before reacting or responding.

Think to yourself…

Is what was just said true? If so, then there’s not much to be upset or insulted about.

Next ask yourself – how informed is the insulter on this specific topic? Could it be that this is simply the way they view and sincerely see things?

If you’re having a difficult time determining the honest answers to the two questions above, ask yourself –  Do I respect and value this person’s opinion? If you do, then you shouldn’t take what was said the wrong way.

The moral of the lesson here is that YOU are the source of any sting or burn that is felt from the insult. If you can take the few seconds to ask yourself the questions above, more likely than not you’ll come to discover that there’s nothing to get offended about.

Even more so, if the persons remarks were insulting and you feel strongly that they aren’t true then why allow this unreliable person to negatively affect your character? If anything, you should feel sorry for them.

There’s nothing stopping you from taking a different approach and rewiring your thoughts and triggers into subconsciously accepting that a person’s insults carry no harm to you, especially those that aren’t true to begin with!

Just think about the non-insulting barking dog 🙂

We only have so much time to live our lives. Take control of your internal intelligence and apply it’s capabilities to these external situations. This way you ensure that the ball is always in your court when it comes to your emotions and how you feel at any given moment, regardless of the circumstances.

“Who then is invincible? The one who cannot be upset by anything outside their reasoned choice.” Epictetus:

Children are interesting. They’re born and then before you know it, they’re already walking and talking.

Once the talking stage begins, their imagination truly comes out which allows them to create stories and use their facial expressions to show just how much they believe in the fairy tales that they narrate.

If you ask them a personal question knowing that the answer could potentially hurt your feelings, they’ll quickly give you an honest and direct response without batting an eye.

Take my niece for example. When she was around 6 or 7 I asked her to look at my teeth and tell me whether or not they were yellow. Without hesitation she said that they were.

I then asked her which specific ones were yellow, and she proceeded to go one by one and point out which teeth in my mouth were yellow.

How’s that for being completely blunt!

We can learn a lot from children, especially when it comes to how little they give a fuck about (or can even understand at certain ages) the repercussions of potentially sensitive subjects.

F the BS: It’s time to learn to not give a fuck

The next time you catch yourself contemplating on how to approach a delicate situation personally, or you find that you feel like you’re walking on eggshells during a sticky scenario at work, pause for a second and think about the potential outcome if you were to say fuck it and tell whoever you’re speaking to how it really is and should be.

If the worst case scenario isn’t too bad, try to be a complete straight-shooter with zero fucks given and see what happens.

Sometimes to succeed and get by in life you have to stand up, be pushy and aggressive and fight hard for what you truly believe deep down is right. Not only can this result in getting what you want out of the situation, but even more so it can attract and accumulate respect.

People who learn to live life as an ethical asshole (one who approaches situations very pragmatically and sternly to ensure they get their way, even if there’s potential to hurt one’s feelings) typically excel and get further ahead in certain aspects of life because they know what they want and they go after it and take it, saying F it to repercussions that don’t necessarily have significant impact.

To wrap it up…

If you really want something in life, and I mean REALLY want it, sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, confront the BS head on (whether it’s internally or externally) and take what’s rightfully yours.

In some cases, NOT doing so can have a major negative impact and trajectory on your life.

Don’t let that happen to yourself, be a dick if you must!

“Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy.” – Mark Manson